The Power of the Pivot: What to Do When Everything Goes Wrong

We have all been in that moment where everything seems to be messed up and you feel deflated, hopeless, and all motivation to continue moving forward goes out the window. For most of us, it is easy to access anger as our initial response. Society has conditioned us to let anger be the universal emotion that everyone can understand and access.

What’s the problem with anger? It is a surface-level emotion. It presents like the top of an iceberg, hiding the depths of what is actually going on below the surface. It is easy to stay angry. Maybe that vent session with your girlfriend is exactly what you need in the moment, but then what?

The power of the pivot is about psychological flexibility. It’s about going beyond just being pissed and acknowledging the truth behind what you are feeling.

I recently traveled to see a friend for their birthday and I was STOKED for the plans we had. As the type B person but type A planner that I am for other people, I had everything taken care of. The flights, the Airbnb, and all the cool things we were going to be doing to celebrate this amazing human in my life.

And then, two days before I was supposed to leave, they had a medical emergency. They were no longer able to do anything other than stay home and care for themselves on the couch.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bummed. If you follow my social media, you know that this year has been ROUGH. I was looking forward to doing something enjoyable with one of my favorite people, and when we couldn’t go, it stung a little.

Until I got there. Caring for others comes very naturally to me, so there was no second thought that I would be going regardless of whether we could do our cool plans or not. When I got there, we started doing everything they needed to start the recovery process. And wouldn't you know it, the entire trip turned into a comedy of errors. At one point we joked, “I don’t know what you did in a previous life, but if karma is real, you must have been terrible.”

Pretty much every turn where something could go wrong, it did. And you know what my friend and I did? We laughed through it.

That is the power of the pivot. Mindset matters. It's about giving space to acknowledge the pain points showing up for you, while changing plans to fit where you are actually at.

Here is how to do this in 3 basic steps:

1. Name what is in your control It is EASY to spiral when it feels like we are out of control. Vocalizing (and I truly mean talking to yourself out loud) what you can control in this situation and what you can’t will help the "what if" and "should have" thoughts slow down. It gives you a tangible action to take so you can move forward.

2. Practice flexibility (challenge the all-or-nothing mindset) People think in black and white because humans love structure. Unfortunately, there are very few things in life that live in that all-or-nothing space. Much of our life looks more like living in the gray. Doing things the “right way” or the way you had planned brings comfort. But starting with an openness to doing something different gives you a starting point to your pivot, knowing that any option you come up with is a path forward.

3. Reduce the pressure It is not as deep as it feels in the moment. When something fails, there’s an intensity that comes with it, whether that is guilt, judgment, shame, or the need to be hyper-vigilant to prevent it from happening again. Acknowledging the pressure you are putting on yourself is the start. The goal is to be able to respond with a “dang, that sucks, I guess I’ll pivot” mentality when challenges arise, rather than letting them completely derail you.

You have complete control in how you utilize the power of the pivot.

So which one are you? The person who shuts down because something went wrong, or the one who can adjust and still find success even if it looks different than what you originally planned?

If you’re the first option and you feel some shame about it, the good news is you can always build up your coping skills to handle things better in the future. (Therapy is a great place to work on this.)

And if you’re the second option and a rockstar at changing plans, that probably means you’ve put in a lot of work for the growth you’ve seen, and now it's time to keep going.

Either way, if you made it to this blog, it means you want to improve in some way, and I’m really glad you’re here.

Resources:

Therapy with Me (A Kansas City Therapist Ready to Support You)

If you are a doctor, nurse, or healthcare worker who spirals when things don't go according to plan, or a patient with a chronic illness whose body forces you to pivot daily, you do not have to navigate this frustration alone.

As a licensed therapist in Kansas City, Missouri, I specialize in helping people build the psychological flexibility needed to survive a chaotic world. I work with healthcare professionals dealing with systemic burnout, moral injury, and the intense pressure to keep everything under perfect control. I also work with individuals living with chronic pain and chronic illness who are constantly forced to adjust their expectations and rewrite their daily plans just to get by.

If you are tired of shutting down when plans fail, or if you struggle with the guilt and shame of not being able to "do it all," let's work together. We will focus on breaking the all-or-nothing mindset, releasing the pressure of perfectionism, and building coping skills that actually work in real life.

If you are ready to stop fighting the unpredictable and start learning how to pivot with ease, head over to my website at lifeyourway.org and send me a message to get connected for individual therapy support.

(Please note: I am located in Kansas City, MO, and provide therapy services to clients located in Missouri).

Apps:

• Stoic. (Mental Health Journal): A fantastic app that helps you track your moods and practice cognitive reframing. It features daily prompts designed to help you look at obstacles from a different perspective and find what is actually within your control.

• Brain.fm: When plans fall apart and your brain starts to spiral into a "what-if" loop, this app uses science-backed music to help redirect your focus, calm your nervous system, and get you back into a grounded state.

  
  

Books:

• The Myth of Perfect by Dr. Mel Schwartz. An incredible read that challenges our obsession with certainty and control. It teaches you how to embrace the "gray areas" of life and find comfort in the unpredictable.

• Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. A life-changing book about accepting things as they are in the present moment, without judgment, so you can clearly see your next step forward.

  
  

Coping Skills:

• The "Control Audit" (Out Loud): The next time a plan falls through, pause and say out loud: "I cannot control [X], but I can control [Y]." For example: "I cannot control that my flight was delayed, but I can control how I spend this next hour at the gate." Hear your own voice draw the boundary between what is yours to carry and what isn't.

• The "Plan B" Micro-Practice: Intentionally practice pivoting on a small scale. If your favorite coffee shop is closed, or a minor daily routine gets disrupted, notice the initial spike of annoyance. Take a deep breath, say to yourself, "Dang, that sucks, time to pivot," and choose a different path. Treat the small disruptions as practice runs for the big ones.